Losing a baby is a very difficult and trying time for the parents. Babies are usually lost while carrying in term or it’s born still born. A lot of people offer their condolences. But many of them don’t realize that they are actually hurting the couple with their words and actions.
Here’s what you should never say or do to the couple that’s just lost a baby:
- You will have others in future
- It’s for the best
- Maybe there was something wrong with it
- Do not refer to the baby as ‘it’
- Better luck next time
- Were you trying for a baby?
- Do not talk to them like it never happened
- You’re young you will have more
- At least you have other kids
- God wanted it this way
- You’ll get over it soon
- It was not meant to be
- It is in a better place right now
- At least you did not go too far in the pregnancy
- What did you do wrong?
- Do not reprimand her for not informing you sooner
- Do not bring a baby when you’re meeting them
- What was the problem?
- Do not compare her situation to that of others.
- Ask when they will have the next child
Here what you should be telling and doing for the couple instead:
- I’m sorry for your loss
- I don’t know what else to say but I’m sorry
- Give them a shoulder to cry on
- Bring them a meal
- Remember and mention the child
- Share similar stories of losses without minimizing the pain of theirs
- Offer to do their chores
- Pray for them and with them
- Listen to what they have to say
- Help them heal
- Encourage them to rest
- Be gentle
- Offer to babysit their other kids
A loss of a baby to the couple is a loss of a human life. They might have others but it is not the same life that has just gone into the hands of god. Help your friends get through this trying phase of life. Nothing can take away the grief but you can try and minimize it.
Regards: Rasha Ashraf